The Roswell Musical: Act Two by Nicole Anell


Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell or the original versions of any of these songs.
Spoilers: Season Two
Author's Notes: I said there'd be a sequel.
Email me! Faith84@aol.com

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Skip down to: I Wish/Into Act Two | Skins | The Ballad of '47 | Vilandra | Buddha Boy | The Future Max Song | (more coming soon!)

It's only funny when everybody sings along. Even then, I can't promise it's that funny. ;)

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I Wish/Into Act Two (to the tune of "Prologue" and "Into the Woods" from Into the Woods)

(note: For the time being, Valenti will play the role of the narrator. Frankly because he needs something to do.)

VALENTI: Once upon a time
MICHAEL: I wish!
VALENTI: In a far-off desert
MICHAEL: More than anything...
VALENTI: Lived some good aliens
MICHAEL: More than fans...
VALENTI: Some ambiguously evil aliens
((MICHAEL: More than ratings...))
TESS: I wish!
VALENTI: And their human friends
((TESS: More than life...))
LIZ: I wish!
VALENTI: Even friends who don't like them very much
((LIZ: More than anything...))
((MICHAEL: More than Snapple...))
KYLE: I wish!

MICHAEL: Some aliens are good at breaking things
((LIZ & KYLE: More than life...))
((TESS: I wish...))
MICHAEL: I wish to be good at breaking things
((LIZ & KYLE: More than shippers...))
MICHAEL: Intentionally
TESS: I wish that Max would give me some touch
((MICHAEL: More than anything...))
LIZ: I wish I had a life
((TESS: Kiss me, Max...))
KYLE: I want a life
((TESS: It's our destiny, Max...))

MICHAEL: I wish to be good at breaking things
TESS: I wish he'd look in the general direction of me
LIZ & KYLE: I wish for a normal life back
ALL: I wish!

CAST:
Into Act 2, away we go
There'll probably be more action though
Into Act 2, 'cause Tabasco
Bought us an extra season

Into Act 2, where some have said
That evil people want us dead
LIZ: Into Act 2 to move past Max
MICHAEL: Into Act 2 to fight the bad guys
ISABEL: Into Act 2 to learn some things
KYLE: To find some peace
MICHAEL: To be good at breaking things

ALIENS:
Our way's not clear
Our life's not good
We have no plan but prob'ly should
Our planet needs help
Our powers just suck
Compared to this, it was best
To just stay in an angst-fest

LIZ & KYLE:
Into Act 2 where we come back
From three straight months avoiding Max
But now we're home to face the fact
We're still altered and different

MARIA:
Into Act 2 where kids from pods
You date are distant, mean, and odd
At this point I might show Max the bod
For all that I know, he's already God

ALIENS:
We have no clue
What's going on
Since we beamed down our holomom
Our year is just shot
Nasedo's just gone
You know we're really screwed how
We ask Max what to do now

MAX:
Into Act 2 where I can't deal
With love for Liz that I still feel
She means more than my new green shield
And all my kingly duties

ALL:
Into Act 2, we'll try to find
A balance of drama and bad sci-fi
LIZ: Into Act 2 to move past Max
TESS: To get back home
MAX: To get Liz back

ALL:
To seek, to heal, to whine, to dream
To love, to yell, to be good at breaking things
Into Act 2
Into Act 2
Into Act 2 with many more songs
And lots of new adventures

Skins (to the tune of "Kids" from Bye Bye Birdie)

THE ALIEN FOUR, WHO ARE RACKING UP MORE SCREENTIME AS EACH SECOND GOES BY:
Skins! They're among us now and we're under stress
Skins! They killed Nasedo and beat up Tess
Skins, with their dark sunglasses and heat-sensitive eyes
Sneaky, lying, slowly dying aliens
For fifty years or so

Skins! They want to kill the whole Royal Four
Skins! 'Cause we aren't average teens anymore
Why can't they be like the sheriff was?
Non-threatening in any way?
What's the deal with the Skins today?

Skins! They live in husk shells that never change
Skins! Out in some town where they all act strange
Skins, they're just a creepy, peeling, evil-dealing bunch
Anti-aging, time-zone-changing bad guys
With some kinda zappy powers

Skins! We don't know who we can ever trust
Skins! Politicians and waitresses turn to dust
Why can't they be like we were?
Hunted by the FBI?
Can't we just call this war a tie?

The Ballad of '47 (to the tune of "The Ballad of Gilligan's Island")

HAL CARVER:
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
When all us soldiers got a call
To clean up a crashed ship

I cared more about ditzy blondes
In bars or candy stores
Or Rosemary who acted like
A three-dollar whore
A three-dollar whore

But then I saw the conspiracy
And lives were being cost
If not for the courage of the humans there
The pod squad would be lost
The pod squad would be lost

So that's why you should care about
What happened way back then
With Rich Dodie
The Colonel too
And Mr. Brain
And Miss. White
The girl from Fort-Worth Star
Young Valenti and
Nasedo's hand!
Back in the summer of '47

Vilandra (to the tune of "Lola" by the Kinks

ISABEL:
It started with the congresswoman, things that she said
That I tried to forget but it's stuck in my head
Like a mantra
M-A-N-T-R-A mantra
She told me what happened and I was to blame
She said I was beautiful and told me my name
Was Vilandra
V-I-L- screw it - landra
Vi-la-la-la-landra

Well I'm not the world's most sensitive girl
But it took one word to screw up my world
And that's Vilandra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why I'd betray my brother back when we were Zan
And Vilandra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Vi-la-la-la-landra

We went to Arizona to the Skins' home town
Little Nicholas smacked me around
He said I used to be really dim
But he still wanted me to go home with him

Well I don't date the most age-appropriate men
But he talks like a villain and looks like he's ten
And likes Vilandra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Vilandra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Vi-la-la-la-landra

I pushed it away
Didn't tell anyone
She used to love Kivar
I felt like I was guilty
'Cause I looked like her and she like me

I wanted to be normal and now I can say
That I definitely want it to be that way
Since Vilandra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Girls will be bad and boys will be kings
It's a mixed-up muddled-up sci-fi thing
About Vilandra
Vi-la-la-la-landra

It's bad enough knowing I was Michael's wife
I'm also a traitor in my past life
But it doesn't matter now what I did
When I was a princess and Genie Francis's kid

And I'm not the past's most likable link
But I am what I am and I'm not who you think
And not Vilandra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Vilandra
Vi-la-la-la-landra
Vi-la-la-la-landra

Buddha Boy (to the tune of "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy")

TESS:
I was feeling once like I was all alone
Because Nasedo died and I needed a new home
But just when things looked bad
I got to know a jock who's on the Eightfold Path
And I was bonding
So unexpectedly
With my favorite-human Buddha Boy Kyle Valenti

He sacrificed a lot for me and so did Jim
Even thought they knew their lamps would not get trimmed
I didn't get a chair
But I'm still part of Roswell's only happy pair
And I admit I like
When he's all sweet to me
My favorite-human Buddha Boy Kyle Valenti

I mock his recent hybrid change because it's fun
He sort of is an idiot but a cute one
And when I get bored
He lets me wear his clothes and flip through his porn
And all the humans think
He should hook up with me
My favorite-human Buddha Boy Kyle Valenti

Even though he used to watch my ass a lot
He says he likes the brother-sister thing we've got
And that's just A-OK
There's still an alien boy I'd rather pity-lay
Meanwhile it's nice to have
A semi-family
With my favorite-human Buddha Boy Kyle Valenti

The Future Max Song (to the tune of "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies)

It's been-
A few years since I looked eighteen
At least what passes for that on the WB
A few years since we were in love
Saying "let's get together" despite warnings from above
A few years since the knot we tied
Like Romeo and Juliet without all the suicide
But in minutes, "the fall" was happening
So I came to the present to tell you something

I know right now just what you think
You say I'm lyink
You know I could be a shapeshifter-man
'Cause I just zoomed in your room
To say that there's impending doom
If things end happy like you heard from Madame Vivian

Hot like Nick Wechsler doing push-ups
My topless chin-ups
Got me pecs and manly stubble
So I'm looking a lot better
And wearing leather
But I'm the real thing, not a double

You saw Tom Cruise in that movie
Magnolia, he looked like me
And treated females even lousier than I do
I took a time machine away from hell
And you should see your future self
Before you comment on my graying awful hairdo

How can I help it if the things between us turn out bad?
Just try hard to break up and make Max sad
I'm the kinda guy who won't let go until
You're forcing me to fall out of love with you
I have a tendency to sing with Mariachi bands
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been-
A few years since we had 'cement'
Even though you said just now you aren't ready yet
A few years since poor Tess left town
When she finally figured out no one likes her around
A few years since our butts got kicked
Don't underestimate a fire-starting short chick
Isabel and Michael died on me
So we need to fix this surgical and precisely

Married in Vegas at A Elvis Chapel
We had a nice dance, then the world went wacko
Just like "Back to the Future Part 2"
This depends on you
There can't be two of me in one room

Like E.T., I sometimes want to phone home
Like Spock, I'm monotone
But I still have human feelings here
So saying that I'm just not worth it
You want an Earth kid
You'd think would make me shed a little tear

But it's not that easy you will find
To get yourself out of my mind
Tess can't replace you even with Steinbeck and boobies
My passion for you won't be dead
'Til I see you in Kyle's bed
And my heart's broken, because I think the wrong things

How can I help it if the things between us turn out bad?
Just try hard to break up and make Max sad
I'm a stalker type at regular intervals
Can't understand what I mean? You soon will.
I have a tendency to act melodramatically
I have a thing for Gomez and Sheryl Crow

It's been-
A few years since we said goodbye
Now you changed it all so this me disappears and dies
A few years since I gave up hope
And sat with Tess on that bench where we like to mope
'Course she ends up killing people too
And you're pretty much to blame, but what can I do?
Eventually you'll get back with me
But it'll still take forever for you to tell me

It'll still take forever for you to tell me
It'll still take forever for you to tell me
...How many plot holes are in this, honestly?

more to come

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